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Thread: Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

  1. #16
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #5 -Finding Christopher Robin

    There is another CHRISTOPHER ROBIN movie coming out...
    There will be TWO movies on "CR"...

    What are the chances that the creative minds in Movieland and Hollywood would think the same thoughts?
    {that was sarcasm, BTW}
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  2. #17
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    #6 - Transformers: the Last Knight

    Dave craps on Transformers: the Last Knight

    What can I say but another prize expulsion from the metal anus of the Transformers… This is the only PG-13 movie with mentions of scrotums and King Arthur and the Round Table Legend in one sentence!

    Are you ten years old? If so, then this is the movie for you. I actually did enjoy it but I loath that part of me that was entertained by it. Do you like mindless chases, incoherent drivel instead of dialogue, giant metal robots acting like total mechanical anuses? Then this movie is for you.
    If you want something meaningful, something intellectual, and something literate - - GO away.

    Quote: “The old WW2 sub jumped its moorings.”
    {hint: that’s a problem because that particular WW2 Sub is (a) TSTL, (b) a red shirt, and (c) wasted...}
    Logic, where does it get you?

    Cade Yeager - - Mark Wahlberg of the reality TV show fame, the quintessential underwear model and Bostonian, plays a Texan junkyard owner with six, maybe seven active brain cells. He has a new heroine who is British (and she has an inflated, one-dimensional ego like the rest of the cast) … Lots of cameos from old faces in the original Transformers movie. (I thought they all made career-killing moves back then and They repeated them now. “From Hunger” should be the title.)

    There are WIT-WICCANS in this movie in homage to the much despised Shia LaBeouf. WORst of all, no hack writer would be satisfies with smearing and hating on the Wiccans or Druids or some ancient order of Knights — but “WIT-WICCANS.” How about “Lack-of-Wit-Wiccans” ?

    Final thoughts — status brainless fun for a popcorn, beer and pizza night with burps, phartes, and ball-scratching masculinity.
    Last edited by Dave; 08-04-2018 at 12:47 AM. Reason: sigh, whimper
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  3. #18

    Re: #5 -Finding Christopher Robin

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    There is another CHRISTOPHER ROBIN movie coming out...
    There will be TWO movies on "CR"...

    What are the chances that the creative minds in Movieland and Hollywood would think the same thoughts?
    {that was sarcasm, BTW}
    The medical phenomenon of twin movie births has long been recognized:

    Volcano
    Dante's Peak

    White House Down
    Olympus Has Fallen

    Armageddon
    Deep Impact

    Mission to Mars
    The Red Planet

    Wyatt Earp
    Tombstone

    Triplets are occasionally seen. In the late eighties, the Hollywood ovaries spat out:

    Vice-Versa
    Like Father, Like Son
    18 Again

    Incredibly, a few months later saw a set of quintuplets:

    The Abyss
    Lords of the Deep
    Leviathan
    Deepstar Six
    The Rift

    But none of this can impugn the integrity of Hollywood visionaries, who constantly seek original and unique means to entertain us and oh my god I forgot my meds again.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____
    PENIS: Intact_______ERECT LENGTH: 4 Inches_______MODS: Circumcised_____________STATUS: Impotent
    SCROTUM: Intact____SIZE: Compact - Little Hang_____CASTRATION: Bilateral Inguinal___CONTENTS: Silicone/Saline Implants
    SECONDARY: Shelf Hips/Love Handles -- B-cup Breasts/Prominent Nipples -- Body Hair 90% Absent__________LIBIDO: A Distant Memory

  4. #19
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #5 -Finding Christopher Robin

    Quote Originally Posted by madnomadtoo View Post
    The medical phenomenon of twin movie births has long been recognized:
    ...
    I deserved that list.

    And I should say that every review I am reading in anticipation of the release of CHRISTOPHER ROBIN is good. It seems that both movies will be good drama.



    And just for those who might be disappointed - - I'll have a new review of some awful movie tomorrow and it will live up to the thread's name.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  5. #20
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    #7 Call Me By Your Name

    Call Me By Your Name is a movie about Elio, the seventeen year old son of a college professor who meets and has an affair with Oliver, a twenty-four research assistant (post-doc or graduate researcher) who is staying at his house for a summer doing research. It is a tender and well-written romantic tale.

    The Parent’s summer house is in Northern Italy, Lombardy to be precise and is one of those places with sun and warmth and swimming ponds. It is idyllic for family’s summer house. Slowly, the Elio and Oliver become friends and then lovers.
    There is a time in young men’s lives where a friendship with another man can be closer than any other relationship in their lives. It surpasses parents, wives, and children. Most young men find it without sex and discover their adult attitudes and life after it is finished. That is the true “coming of age.”

    Where “Call Me By Your Name” stands out is the tenderness and honestly of the portrayal. When the summer is over, Elio’s father delivers a monologue that is simply open, honest, and heartfelt. It is filled with acceptance and love of his son. He speaks to his son of that summer's emotions, feelings, joys and sorrows and he counsels to learn from this summer affair and not rip it from his life but remember it. He counsels his son that we have only one life and it is both pain and the joy. It is still just one life and it passes too quickly. We must live that life as honestly as possible.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  6. #21
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #7 Call Me By Your Name

    Let me explain about "coming of age"

    I made friends with a young pianist once upon a time; a purely musical friendship. At 17 and 18 he played magnificent classical music in the most bombastic style of youth. It was the heavy, serious and highly dramatic etudes and polonaises that exploded like cannons from the piano. He hammered the piano brilliantly.
    Then he went to college for a year. When he returned, he played the most emotional and tenderest melodies of the piano repertoire; music beautiful enough to make you cry, music to make your heart feel the sorrows of the world, music that evoked beauty and love.
    That’s when I knew that he had come of age. That’s when I knew what he’d learned over that year in college - - not that the more tender the music, the more passionate the music, the greater the pleasure of hearing it, no, no… That is music you learn not from scales, not from practice, not from studying major or minor keys. He learned the emotion that music carries with it by having his heart broken. I didn’t need to know the details of his year at school. I heard the result. That’s when he became a true pianist.

    And finally, a thought that might be obscure but sums up my thoughts right now: This is the reason that Gustave Mahler's Das Lied von Der Erde (The Song of the Earth) ends with a single whisper soft word -- "ewig" -- that is "forever."
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  7. #22

    Re: #5 -Finding Christopher Robin

    Dave,

    I tend to avoid "films" which are CGI-laden, as I have a low tolerance for schlock. However, I've heard good things about "Finding Christopher Robin" and, per your review, I am curious to give it my attention when time and money allows.

  8. #23
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #5 -Goodbye Christopher Robin

    Quote Originally Posted by neonstad View Post
    Dave,

    I tend to avoid "films" which are CGI-laden, as I have a low tolerance for schlock. However, I've heard good things about "Finding Christopher Robin" and, per your review, I am curious to give it my attention when time and money allows.
    "GOODBYE CHRISTOPHER ROBIN" doesn't use animation. This is a British film starring Domhnall Gleeson The original Pooh was a stuffed animal and that is what Ma and PA Milne use and the audience sees. This is very autobiographical and true to life. It's been known for a long time that A.A. Milne (the Father) came back from WW1 with PTSD or as they called it then, Shell Shock. Also, in real life, it took C.R. going to WW2 as a young man to appreciate just how marvelous and well-regarded his favorite toys and childhood fantasies meant to the rest of us.

    Now the other movie CHRISTOPHER ROBIN is fictional and is by Disney does use animation and tells C.R. Milne's story from an entirely different perspective. I haven't seen this yet.


    one last thing -- I have messed up the title. Sorry about that.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  9. #24
    Administrative Weirdo Paolo's Avatar
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    Re: Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

    Relax your clenched sphincter at Talula's.

  10. #25
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

    Quote Originally Posted by Paolo View Post
    Yes, that's the second movie about Pooh and Christopher Robin this year. It's a Disney movie.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  11. #26
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Dave Reviews a Movie (ARRIVAL, 2016)

    #8 - ARRIVAL (2016)
    This is a movie worth watching. It delivers in many ways

    Arrival - THE PLOT: Large black alien ships appears over 12 points of the world and humanity has to find out why they are here.
    This story took five years to become a movie. It is not the usual “alien invasion” movie with death rays and rebellions and lots of screaming action sequences. Although, the special effects are stunning.

    The Aliens want to communicate and the government and military want to keep the rest of the world in the dark while being paranoid and cold-war-type secrecy. The paranoia of the government/military/medical establishment gets annoying. It falls to a linguist to solve the alien language. She isn’t first choice but second choice for the job. She was “unsuitable” the first questioning and that’s important because she is the person who eventually understands the alien message.

    I can spoil the story by revealing more things but I won’t. Suffice to say that the Aliens will need Humans 3000 years into the future and this is the appropriate time to contact humanity.

    One thing I will say is that the movie is presented in dark hues - - Mostly at night, in the rain, and when the sky brightens or a day scene occurs, something important is happening. The viewer has to pay attention to what is happening.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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