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Thread: Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

    >>Feel free to comment or add a competing review<<

    My Movie Review (i.e. Danny Craps on a Movie)
    JUSTICE LEAGUE
    After “Batman versus Superman" and the “death” of superman, the scriptwriters thought that BATMAN should be so guilt-ridden and shamed by Superman’s selfless “death” that he feels guilty. SO they invented another boring villain and three glowing objects that will destroy the earth as we know it.
    SteppenWolf who by uniting three glowing things can destroy the world. He has no backstory. he appears. The three glowing things
    And they bring together a rather strange assortment of superheroes with their various idiosyncrasies - - The Flash (who is horrible childish and immature), Aquaman (who is laughably a “Mary Sue” character), Diana Prince (who in the century since WW1 and the loss of Steve Trevor has hidden in society and somehow lost what made her so charming and good in Wonder Woman), and CYBORG (who has some history with the glowing things and controls metal) and finally, the still grumpy and sour-dispositioned BATMAN who seems to be perpetually constipated and angry about it.
    The script isn’t complex or unique - - Superheroes unite to save the world. Big bangs, big fights and stuff like we’ve seen before. Worse than the simplicity, is the bareness of a script that has no depth, scatter-brained action, childish banter (we always have banter but some of it might be fun and not embarrassing or puerile)… sigh…
    Quotes like “This is science withouts limits. What else is science for?”
    Uh, ask Frankenstein and you might get an answer.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    Administrative Weirdo Paolo's Avatar
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    Re: Dave Reviews (craps on) Movies (intermittently and with gusto)

    Earlier this year, I tried watching this on the plane on the built-in video player in the seat. I made it about 1/3 through, and the flight to MN was over. Thankfully. I never went back to see the rest.

    Back in the day, DC was "it" with "Batman" in 1989, and since then, they've done nothing but blow it.

    There's probably some thing about rated PG13 or R movies starring kids, but as the boys surveyed on the baseball league put it, "Why don't they do a Robin movie with a 10 year old Robin? Or Teen Titans with 13 year olds?"

    The DC franchise, I feel, has lost it for us older comic book and camp-TV geeks. There is no appeal to kids. And as far as Millennials, the batch I know has no interest in them either.

    Hell, we'd even settle for a Batman spinoff with Nightwing as a Millennial (age) with a boy playing Damien Wayne. And don't even get me started on him...
    Relax your clenched sphincter at Talula's.

  3. #3
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Justice League

    For all the money they invest in these MARVEL and Dell Comics superhero movies, they somehow forget that these stories need a proper plot and character development.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    #2 - Dave Craps on a movie: GEOSTORM

    GEOSTORM
    Sci Fi at its stereotypical and silly fun bestest, goofiness, and un-scientific best, Sort of.
    The Premise is that scientists discovered a way to control the weather with satellites. However, before the control space station is turned over to world authorities, some villain takes control of the satellites and threatens a global weather catastrophe.
    It’s MAD SCIENTISTS TRY TO DESTROY THE PLANET, once again with gusto. It’s not bad, it’s just been done so many times, over and over. It’s got nifty car chases. It’s got big bangs. It’s got guns. It’s got the vacuum of space. And It’s got a really super-duper COUNTDOWN CLOCK to the end of the world.
    I grew up with “Kung-Fu Theater” every Saturday afternoon. “Chiller Theater” every Saturday night. Mothra and The Mysterians and Godzilla and blood-soaked Draculas, fearless vampire killers, . . . And GEOSTORM does work as a mystery and world-ending conspiracy.
    Lots of plot holes. Lots of fake drama. But still fun Sci-Fi.
    And an action flick that does provide a few cheap thrills as parts of the world get destroyed.
    And the good guys win.

    I might watch it again for the car chase sequences -- little tiny car doing things that violate newtonian physics ... OOOOOH la la
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    Fully Qualified Member madnomadtoo's Avatar
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    Re: Justice League

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    For all the money they invest in these MARVEL and Dell Comics superhero movies, they somehow forget that these stories need a proper plot and character development.
    As others have noted, the DC developers failed to do what Marvel's did so well -- develop the characters through a series of movies running up to the three (so far) Avengers outings. I can appreciate the realistic tension between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. I can empathize with the other characters' failings. We have a collection of flawed heroes blending the best of themselves together to prevail in the end. Marvel approaches the epic.

    As for the Justice League, they seem, well, more like comic book stuff. Not well fleshed out, elementary in their motives, cryptic in their effect. Superman poses. Batman glowers. Wonder Woman represents. The rest are simply there. I have no investment like I have with Nick Fury's crew.

    I have no idea where the the DC bunch are going, but in the Marvel Universe I look forward to the introduction of Captain Marvel and the fourth Avengers movie. Marvel's only limit seems to be how long the ticket buyers remain enthralled with this genre.
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    Fully Qualified Member madnomadtoo's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    #2 - Dave Craps on a movie: GEOSTORM

    GEOSTORM
    Sci Fi at its stereotypical and silly fun bestest, goofiness, and un-scientific best, Sort of.
    I like your approach here, Dave. I cherish my childhood memories of sitting in the sticky-floored Ritz theater, eating up the low-budget black-and-white sci-fi/monster movies of that time. Nowadays, pseudo-sophisticates ridicule sci-fi movies for being "unscientific," while praising movies about "knights" with mystic mental powers wielding plasma swords whose beams jut out just so far and then stop. Surely the one is no more justifiably established than the other.

    "Geostorm" reminds me of another of my favorites, "The Core." Both do what the 50's movies did so well, bending facts, cooking the science like Meth, all in the service of fun. We can't criticize movies like these for their wild departures from reality, because that's the whole point.

    Give me the fantastic premise, the impossible machinery, the stereotypical characters, and I'm a happy guy. I'm in my old theater again on a responsibility-free Saturday.

    That's priceless.
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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    Quote Originally Posted by madnomadtoo View Post
    ...
    "Geostorm" reminds me of another of my favorites, "The Core."
    ...
    Give me the fantastic premise, the impossible machinery, the stereotypical characters, and I'm a happy guy. I'm in my old theater again on a responsibility-free Saturday. ... That's priceless.
    I agree...
    THE CORE is a scientific abomination but it is fun to watch.
    And that is what it shares with cheesy Sci-Fi -- It's fun to watch.
    I love the way those little teeny compact cars in GEOSTORM just defy the Laws of Motion and all of physics. They are tin piles of junk with 4 cylinder cranked up law mower motors and they outrun everything else. IT makes the Little Boy in me do a happy dance...
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: Justice League

    Quote Originally Posted by madnomadtoo View Post
    ... Wonder Woman ...
    I was thrilled to see a character like WONDER WOMAN appear as a superhero.
    Diana Prince looks at the horror of war and says "no more" and does something about it. There's a reason people cheer her when she charges out of the Trenches to save a town -- that's what she believes with all her being. She is a "man for all times" (and I do not use that title loosely) because she sees the "War to end all wars" lesson of WW1... A lesson that world leaders forgot in Versailles.

    Then in Justice League the writers lessen that idealism and drive and make her just another member of the team. the Character of Diana Prince was the bright light in WONDER WOMAN. IT isn't in JUSTICE LEAGUE and the movie suffers for it.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  9. #9
    Nullo Since June 23, 2015 Losethem's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    #2 - Dave Craps on a movie: GEOSTORM
    They made a movie about these?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geo_St...07-09-2009.jpg
    Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

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    Administrative Weirdo Paolo's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    I knew that was coming, LT, I just didn't want to be the one to say it!
    Relax your clenched sphincter at Talula's.

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Losethem View Post
    That's a groaner!
    Shame on you.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    Fully Qualified Member madnomadtoo's Avatar
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    Re: #2 - Geostorm (a what? - - a Storm?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Losethem View Post
    Watch out. I might've bought one of those, except I already had a Honda CRX. Still have it, and it runs great. They're a rare breed now. If you ever peep out your window and see a blue CRX zipping past, it's me.
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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    #3 the equalizer (2014)

    THE EQUALIZER

    {Let me preface this by saying that I liked THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD because Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson bicker, tease, make you laugh, and generally mock themselves and the movie - - and the little boy in me enjoys the car chases and gunfights and big explosions. The Hitman’s Bodyguard is inane and funny and the characters are engaging.}

    THE EQUALIZER starring Denzel Washington as the retired special ops agent who rights wrongs for helpless people is none of that. It is THE EQUALIZER against the Russian Mob and neither is likable or enjoyable unless you like brutal and unemotional killing.
    The plot is that The Equalizer is happily retired from whatever stuff he did before and decides that he must come out of retirement when he sees a young girl being prostituted, beaten, and generally abused. So he goes after her pimp and it’s the Russian Mob. A bad guy us sent to
    kill the trouble and mucho violence ensues…

    I found it emotionless and simply ugly, a celebration of violence. There is nothing to the plot but man avenges abused woman to give her a chance at a better life. That’s all there is and there is no reason to keep on dancing to this tune.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    #4 Florence Foster Jenkins

    Florence Foster Jenkins
    (a movie starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant)

    In the decade or two of superheroes movies, spy movies, action films, and conquering alien movies, comes a different sort of entertaining comedy. This is a biopic, something take from real life. It is much stranger than fiction. It is a grand celebration of a human spirit that would not be defeated.

    Florence Foster Jenkins was a patron of the arts in New York City who believed that she was a great coloratura soprano. For many years, her husband, played by Hugh Grant, succeeded in Keeping her “talents” hidden in subscriptions series and private salons with carefully chosen guests. That works until Florence books her self into Carnegie Hall with 3000 people in the audience.

    The reality is that Florence could not sing. Her renditions are unearthly and flat/sharp/discordant, and so much more. Her recordings on Melotone Records (yes, there are real recordings that you can buy) are noted as the world’s worst. It’s fun to watch Florence. Meryl Streep does the singing and truly commits to the part. Her voice is like nothing you ever heard or want to hear again. It’s a charming and fun portrayal. It’s fun to watch Cosme McMoon, her pianist, who is truly thrilled to play Carnegie Hall.

    This is a delightfully different movie for our times.

    And you can read about the movie persona and the real persona here:
    http://www.historyvshollywood.com/re...oster-jenkins/
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
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    Re: #5 -Finding Christopher Robin

    Dave reviews on a movie #5 -
    FINDING CHRISTOPHER ROBIN
    This is a sad and heartwarming movie about the good things in life - - family and children. A very good and very poignant drama.
    We all know and love Christopher Robin and his friends Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, Piglet, Owl, and their friends. HOWEVER, Christopher Robin Milne was a real boy, son of A.A. Milne who wrote the books.
    AA Milne was a writer for PUNCH magazine and fought in WW1. He returned to Britain with what was then called Shell Shock and we now know as PTSD. In his struggles to cope with PTSD, removes to the country and with a struggle, eventually begins to write the WINNIE THE POOH books. Family and his son’s fantasy help him through the PTSD.
    However, Christopher Robin, his son, becomes famous and Christopher Robin resents sharing his stories with the public. While writing Winnie the Pooh helped his father, it was a betrayal to Christopher Robin’s young mind. Eventually, when Christopher Robin becomes a young soldier in WW2 (all the stories of this time period end sadly with WW1-“the war to end all wars” spawning WW2) he discovers what the Winnie the Pooh stories and rhymes meant to other men and reconciles himself to his celebrity.
    I enjoyed this as a drama very much. It is a small portion of a story both familiar and hidden.
    Last edited by Dave; 08-03-2018 at 05:09 AM. Reason: I got out of order with my notes ... fixed it
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

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