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Thread: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

  1. #1

    Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Like the many posts we have read here on these pages over the years, I have had the desire to get castrated as long as I can remember. This has not stopped me from having a 30 + year marriage and two wonderful kids. So at this point I am held back by the uncertainty, much of which I feel is probably knowledge that is never attainable. I guess this post is about my frustrations, not with this site which does an excellent job, but with our society where the discussions we have here are by many considered quite unimaginable.

    I am posting in this forum because for me this is about how men and women as couples relate to each other and to the rest of society in general. All our gay friends here have valued input that I have learned much from them, but I am fundamentally straight and it has always been disappointing to me that few women and a disproportionately small number of straight men post on this site. I say that realizing I may be symptomatic of my own problem, since I have rarely posted on this site yet I complain to myself about the absence.

    Fictional drama aside, I have traveled the path from finding this site years ago, crazy for the perfect scene, to the idea that a medically safe castration is the real goal if I am being honest with myself. In counseling my therapist has quite seriously told me that if you cannot rationally discuss this issue with those closest to you, you are not being rational about your decision.

    Yes my wife has been aware for over 26 years of my desire to diminish my sex drive with this solution. She is a positive cheerleader for getting it done, so unlike many married men here I have good communication and a supportive partner.

    So here are what appears to be holding me back.

    I have never gotten a good explanation of how much physical strength is diminished by being cut? I have recieved some very generalized answers but it would seem no real studies or examined experience of any informed individuals or groups.

    I donít believe the studies about being cut and depression. Injured young men, heart and cancer patients are not emotionally in the same place as individuals that have made this decision with the support of WPATH consulars. Has anyone collected or seen about rates of depression amongst volunteers?

    I am struck by the idea of two positive outcomes, do nothing and always be frustrated but having the status quo, which for me is not bad. Or moving ahead to an equally positive outcome just with a different set of desires and experiences?

  2. #2

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    The first question to ask yourself is what is it you honestly and most desire ? Do you desire to live life as a eunuch and with all those body and mind changes for the rest of your entire life span as your true goal ? Or do you desire going through the very fleeting experience of being castrated, the act of losing your balls, as your main desire ? A lot of men desire that experience of being castrated as their main or only desire. But fewer men really do desire life as a eunuch and everything that goes along with it as their true main goal that lasts for the rest of your life.

  3. #3

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    I am also straight and post fairly regular here, have been a member for years and am castrated as well as a number of other straight eunuchs here. I don’t see that my wife and I relate to each other and family any differently than before I was a eunuch.

  4. #4
    Happily Fully Qualified Regular daifu-orchid's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    I think a note of caution here: A T-replaced eunuch may be functionally -apart from fertility much like the uncastrated. There are some that may be less successful with the T replacing every function. Happy wife and might be expected.
    The no-T eunuch is a different animal. While I enjoy the no-T state, and several others here are no-T full-time, it feels very different. There are many comments on the loss of libido, impotence here, but also remember that at least some of the get-up-and-go drive of a man comes from T and there is an adjustment when it goes. The loss of this drive may on occasion even go as far as clinical depression. (For me, I just get lazy for a month or so!). There is also the weight gain, and different fat distribution about the hips and face. There may be other consequences: anemia, land low bone density.
    Bottom line. For some No-T is just how we like it, but do it with a doc who can intervene if something needs attention.

  5. #5
    Fully Qualified Member DonnyMac's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Lowering my libido saved our marriage. My wife has very low libido. After over eight months without being intimate I talked with her about our mismatched sex drives. She was not at all interested in increasing hers ... that left one option, lowering mine. We decided to do a three-month depo-provera trial. At first she was skeptical. But, after two months, when my libido was diminished, she was the first to suggest re-ordering DP and extending the trial.

    Two years later we no longer considered it a trial but switched to Androcur. Both worked but it gave me a more steady low testosterone level. After four years, she read about potential health risks with long-term hormone use. She suggested permanent. By then it was very much a way of life. No frustrations, and more cuddling and closeness.


    As to strength and weight gain. I wound up losing 50 pounds and worked out more to make up for any lack of strength.

    Good luck,

    Don

  6. #6
    Fully Qualified Member Begoneboy's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Cleancut01: The responses to your query are valid each and every one. Having been nullo for a long time I must say that I've experienced a very full and active lifestyle. Many years after surgery I spent some of the most physically demanding times of my life single hand sailing on the high seas. There's not much more demanding on both the mental and physical level than sail three times around the globe on a purist sailing vessel with no mechanical propulsion. Then I met the person who became my married spouse for 25 years until he passed away. We had a WONDERFUL relationship. I NEVER took "T" although "E" became a part of my life. Perhaps too much so but that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Initially after surgery I did lose some weight but regained a lot of that lost over time. I've now lost a lot of weight sine the passing of my spouse. That's been due to emotional stress rather than physical issues. I've finally gotten around to getting back to life by myself and just last week completed a 1200 mile motorcycle trip through many geographical regions of Mexico taking me high in the mountains on what would barely considered as trails to all the other extremes of sand dunes and scrub desert to coastal regions. Dumping the bike from the rigors of hard mountain riding alone several time and having to dead-lift the 400 pound machine from the ground back upright indicates that even at my latest weight of 145 pounds there is still ample strength without balls, cock or "T". So that issue is one that is easily mitigated. We all know that studies are to verify a preconceived idea or belief so they are basically useless on a whole. Ten different people can study a specific topic and come up with ten different results.

    What is holding you back is that you're not completely comfortable with the idea. You say your spouse is on board. Perhaps so and perhaps not. In the end, don't follow through with anything that you are not 100% positive that it is what both of you want. Life is too short to live through miserably.
    Then and now while living the good life

  7. #7

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Have you tried chemical castration yet? Highly recommended so you and your spouse can see what its like. For some men, the world is a boring and colorless place without a libido.
    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.." -Anais Nin

  8. #8
    Happily Fully Qualified Regular daifu-orchid's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    And for some, hopefully those who have already enjoyed a life of libido, there is the rest of the world where libido distracts, intrudes and generally gets in the way.
    So, while I enjoy my times on T, and the rise in libido it brings, I also welcome the times when we agree to drop the T, and enjoy a life without. It take a month or so to get re-adjusted, after the T hits a low. Then a period of great contentment and happiness follows. Control of T might be the key to this thread?

  9. #9

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Thank you all for your responses. I will answer as best I can all of the questions in this post. I feel that most readers here come for fantasy reasons, some of them move past the fantasy to look at realistic motivations and possible outcomes. I feel that since I have questioned my attachment to my balls since my youth that I have passed the point of wanting a fantasy to looking at a possible positive outcome from moving forward. When in therapy in my early 40’s my therapist did not say bad idea but rather you have an impressive understanding of yourself and your reasoning. I just wish you would wait for a better point in your life to make this type of decision. Further I have paid close attention to some TED talks on decision making. It would seem my situation is about two possible outcomes that are both positive. That makes this decision more mind boggling. It is not good or bad but good or a different good.

    I do not believe my relationships will change tremendously if I get this done other than my wife and I and my level of desire which is usually quite overwhelming. This is a motivation to reduce the level of my sex drive and the distraction that it causes. Over 10 years my free testosterone is alway more than twice the level expected as average for my age group.

    I do not foresee a dull life if anything I am overcommitted all the time. I have a service oriented personality and truly enjoy make the moment special for others. Nothing I have read in all these years of being on these pages has told me that there is that type of personality change associated with this decision. So my belief is that YMMV but removing the near constant distraction associated with testosterone will actually improve my social relations and others outlook toward me.

    Athletics has always been a big part of my life, I cannot imagine not working out and being in various contests for the fun of it. I am mindful that less than 5% of adults my age work out at all and even fewer with my zeal. I am also very aware that many of the most inshape, strongest, best competitors at my age are women. I regularly lose half marathons to large numbers of women my age that just flat are in better shape then I am. So since they do not have testosterone is it at my age that important for my competitive pursuits?

    I have not tried a chemical trial, not sure if I will. I have spent most of my life involved in all or nothing thinking. This entire process of careful review of facts, discussions with professionals, collect the thoughts of those on this journey is completely out of character for me. My wife just tells me when your ready, let me know but I wish it was sooner rather than later. And she has said that since shortly after the birth of my second child 26 years ago. That fantasy part you never give up on, today yes, snip, snip, now no. But if challenged I would do a trial to prove I am open to others opinions.

    Yes not have my sexdrive is very seductive to me, the control of it for any portion of my life seems quite desirable. Still wish I had some idea of what would happen to my weightlifting totals.

  10. #10
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Read Zebedees blog. You sound the perfect candidate for chemical castration. Let you and your wife see the results and discuss whats happening to you.

  11. #11
    Happily Fully Qualified Regular daifu-orchid's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    If the T is upsetting life, it seems reasonable to try a period without the upset. Then to ask which is better? Then is it a long or short term choice?

  12. #12

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    Since every man s body reacts differently to castration, your best way to know how your body would be affected would be to do a short term chemical castration to see and experience it fully and for a while before you decide to get cut to a eunuch permanently. If you don t like the chemical castration, then you could stop it and likely regain most of your testicle functions back again. The longer you are chemically castrated, the less likely you would be to regain all of your former pre castration body and testicle functions after stopping it. But its sure a lot more cautious and reversable than cutting your balls off before you try it out !

  13. #13

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    So let’s explore this hive mind. The reality of Pandora is at play in these answers. Once brought up, castration, it can never be boxed again in a relationship. So a chemical trial as I see it.

    First, we both hate it. So no getting cut, but there are still all the physical and emotional reasons it was discussed. This is what the wife and I call the “get a hobby” solution that we both regularly get from various medical providers. I am not sure this post would even be free if this is the outcome I wanted, and my wife would not be encouraging a solution if this is what she wanted.

    Second, we both love it. On to a safe medical provider for that snip, snip moment.

    Third, she hates it, I love it. If I do it anyway that is really a relationship deal breaker. I really believe it would kill my 40 year marriage. I don’t do it but know I want to, “get a hobby” on steroids. Knowing there is a solution not taken is worse than wondering in my opinion.

    Fourth, she loves it and I don’t. She is no femdom, there would be demand, more likely a passive aggressive time before we both had enough of each other.

    So unless there is a case the hive mind has figured out that I am missing it is a 1 in 4 chance of success when you add another person to this decision.

    Going through with it without a trial.

    First, you both hate it. T can be added back into the formula but possibly tailored to accomplish the lack of distraction for him and lack of drive for her, yet enough personality.

    Second, you both love it. Goal reached.

    Third she hates it, I love it. See the first answer in this section. Really I do not see her wanting a return of my sex drive for any reason, it would be about personality. Which could be tailored, I believe.

    Fourth, she loves it and I hate it. Well first you have to give it time to decide you hate it. Then you can try added back some T like in the above. If it still does not work you can raise the level further. But I am not sure why I would do that since I find T to be almost always a leading cause of distraction, if not boorish behavior.

    Now for some controversial statements. I find in reading these pages a subtle difference between those that get cut without a trial and those that do. My impression is those that get cut without a trial work harder toward the goal they want and are happier with the result. I really see this in posts from MtoE. But I am also very aware that negative outcomes are probably vastly underrepresented on these pages. I am quite sure those that decide they made a bad decision are usually if not always unwilling to self report the result.

  14. #14
    Fully Qualified Member DonnyMac's Avatar
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    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    When we both decided on a chem trial, my wife was initially skeptical but willing to try. After two months the side-effects kicked in and it was rough. Luckily, at the same time my libido tanked and my wife loved that part. She became a huge fan and suggested extending the trial. The side-effects continued and several times during the first year I would have quit if not for her support. After a year, things settled down and definitely by two years it was a way of life and no longer a trial. We are very glad we did a chemical castration trial. When we decided on a permanent solution, it was just continuation of life as normal.

    Don

  15. #15

    Re: Two possible positive outcomes choose from.

    So everyone I wanted to say thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt comments on this thread. This is the type of feed back I think this topic needs. I find it very unfortunate that under this heading we have so few participants. I really believe If thoughtful writing like yours were more prevalent the Ladies and Gentlemen thread would be much better attended. Funny how when you have conversations with post child couples how this subject is not so verboten, some even have reasoned conversations with you. But for now we can only post well and hope. I have learned some thing maybe we will get a few more thoughtful comments.

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