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Thread: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

  1. #1
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    Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    A UK man had his right testicle ripped off by a seagull while he was sunbathing nude. Apparently experts think the seagull mistook the man's testicles as birds eggs in a nest.

    http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/seagull-testicle/

    A rogue seagull ripped off a man’s right testicle as he sunbathed naked in his back garden, it has emerged.
    Experts say the fearsome bird mistook the man’s exposed privates as a couple of birds eggs and dropped in for a tasty snack.
    As the man – who has not been named – dozed on his patio in his detached home near Ipswich, the seagull swooped from the sky, and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle.
    He woke screaming in agony, and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak.
    His wife called an ambulance, and staff at Ipswich Hospital’s accident and emergency department had to patch him up, and give him a course of antibiotics to prevent infection.
    A hospital source said: “Nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks.
    “The injury is not life threatening, and tests have confirmed that his remaining testicle is still in working order, so he will be able to have children.”
    A spokesman for research group Seagull Watch International confirmed that seagulls often feed on the eggs of small birds.
    “Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.
    “It was no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent.
    “This is the first time we have heard of such an attack in the UK, and it is probably a one-off event, but just in case this particular seagull has now got a taste for ‘men’s eggs’, we would recommend putting some shorts on while sunbathing at home.”
    Ipswich Hospital refused to name the seagull victim, or even pass on an interview request from the Suffolk Gazette.


    Last edited by Paolo; 08-10-2017 at 10:11 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Why have got this immage of folks on this forum heading down the beach and spreading breadcrumbs around their junk.

  3. #3

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Quote Originally Posted by ambiguous View Post
    Why have got this immage of folks on this forum heading down the beach and spreading breadcrumbs around their junk.
    I have to admit, the idea of an animal biting off my genitals has been a long term fantasy of mine. I've gotten really close to putting my balls in a cored-out apple and sticking it through the fence at my neighbor's horse pasture. I tried to get a pet barracuda to bite my cock when I was a kid, also admit I let calves on our farm suckle on my cock when I was a kid.

  4. #4

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Its hard to believe a gull could expertly cut thru a loose scrotum, catch a moving and slippery nut, cut thru the inner tunica membranes, skin a testicle, cut the tough spermatic cords, cut the seperate vas deferens cords, and fly off carrying a fully severed testicle before a sleeping man would wake up and grab his super painful ball or grab the gull n strangle it.

    Sounds like a fake story to explain a self castration gone wrong.

    The worlds nude beaches and naked men down thru the ages have offered too many easy and nude and free swinging man eggs in hairy nests that were not often or never poached by seagulls to believe this story. Ripping the gubernaculum off alone takes a lot of force that a gull would be unlikely to exert, much less successfully getting a testicle free of the scrotum and cords that quick to get away with it.

    Sounds like he castrated himself, changed his mind after cutting one nut off, and blamed a gull with no proof of any gull taking his nut to back it up.
    No witnesses or evidence to back it up.

  5. #5

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Quote Originally Posted by cutnbulls2ox View Post
    Its hard to believe a gull could expertly cut thru a loose scrotum, catch a moving and slippery nut, cut thru the inner tunica membranes, skin a testicle, cut the tough spermatic cords, cut the seperate vas deferens cords, and fly off carrying a fully severed testicle before a sleeping man would wake up and grab his super painful ball or grab the gull n strangle it.

    Sounds like a fake story to explain a self castration gone wrong.

    The worlds nude beaches and naked men down thru the ages have offered too many easy and nude and free swinging man eggs in hairy nests that were not often or never poached by seagulls to believe this story. Ripping the gubernaculum off alone takes a lot of force that a gull would be unlikely to exert, much less successfully getting a testicle free of the scrotum and cords that quick to get away with it.

    Sounds like he castrated himself, changed his mind after cutting one nut off, and blamed a gull with no proof of any gull taking his nut to back it up.
    No witnesses or evidence to back it up.



    youd be surpised the bite force that birds actually have...for instance a macaw can by through metal bird cages without a care...they even bite straight through brazil nuts. seagulls themselves have to be able to grab food with alot of force ad flea quickly to prevent other birds taking there new found food.

    i know it seams unlikely and to be honest the story is very unlikely...but at the same time very much possible aswell.

    if he was sunbathing he would not have been moving and there wouldnt of been alot of noise either like at a nude beach. he could have been sitting in the sun his humble nutsac stretch out trying to stay cool and if the bird did get a good grab he would have woken up and scared the bird that would of tried to leave as fast as possible...

    theres alot of true stories about guys being castrated from people ripping there nuts off and even just falling and the weight of there own body ripping them off.

    if dont believe me look up the damage of seagull bites...if they bite you then you usually need a large stick to be able to prie open there beaks.

    the human scrotum isnt as strong as people think...once it starts to tear it keeps on tearing...



    on another note i fear alot of members on here have gone out there yards nude and smothered there bits in food and crumbs lol
    Perfectly Flawed In Every Way

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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    I don't want to start an argument here, but I am afraid that I must express my views on this whole "ferocious seagull" matter. It MIGHT be possible, but I think it so improbable that I agree with cutnbulls2ox on this thing. There are some birds that do attack humans, emus, buzzards when they find a human in distress, and surprisingly owls, but seagulls normally leave humans alone unless they are coming in to snatch food from them.

  7. #7

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    There s no doubt a lot of animals can and have castrated men or eaten balls off men. It s an odd story. Mostly it just sounds too fast and too exact for a gull to accomplish it that quick in totally detaching only one ball and do it so fast and before the man, half man now lol, could react. Maybe if he was drunk off his ass, but not just a sleeping man. A gull s total weight can only exert a limited force to rip a nut off. Like a gull s limited ability to lift a heavy weight n fly away with it. Just not much muscle on a gull to rip a ball off that clean n fast as this guy claims.

    But yeah, nature can be stranger than fiction. Sounds fishy though.

  8. #8
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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Quote Originally Posted by cutnbulls2ox View Post
    There s no doubt a lot of animals .......But yeah, nature can be stranger than fiction. Sounds fishy though.
    Interesting that you should mention fish, may I suggest everyone "google" search for "candiru fish."

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWlhRb6fFhc

  9. #9
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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Quote Originally Posted by DeaconBlues View Post
    I don't want to start an argument here, but I am afraid that I must express my views on this whole "ferocious seagull" matter. It MIGHT be possible, but I think it so improbable that I agree with cutnbulls2ox on this thing. There are some birds that do attack humans, emus, buzzards when they find a human in distress, and surprisingly owls, but seagulls normally leave humans alone unless they are coming in to snatch food from them.
    The gulls here are deemed a pest and feeding them is deeply frowned on in most coastal resorts.
    Reason being the Gulls are not afraid of attacking humans for the food they are eating,
    They often swoop and attack folks eating their fish and chips forcing them to abandon their lunch and leave it to the mercy of the gulls.
    I would be tempted to lace my Fish and chips with Bicarbonate of soda and watch them explode mid flight.
    The gulls do go a bit wild round here during their breeding season but not quite reached the "Hitchcock" status.
    I'm not sure whether they like plums

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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    I have not actually tried it or even seen it ever done so I cannot say for certain if this it true or not, but I have heard that if a seagull (or any other bird for that matter) swallows Alka Seltzer tablets or "Fizzie" tablets or any other sort of effervescent thing, it will die from severe gas bloating... I just don't know.... folks tell me that you just need to get some bits of bread or something to feed the seagulls, and after they have come in and have a "feeding frenzy," you start tossing alka seltzer tablets at them and they will swallow them quickly. The alka seltzer gets in the stomach and starts to fizz and generate gas. I am told that birds cannot burb or expel digestion gasses from their stomach. People have told me that they have seen seagulls "explode" from this. Still, it just makes me wonder. Would like to try it but then again would hate to kill something just for establishing that some thing can or cannot happen.

  11. #11

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    The "Seagull Story" is is rated as false by Snopes who see it as an expression of a folk tale involving an Eagle. There are also other versions of the story. --FLO--
    Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance.

  12. #12
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    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    That's a very old "Folk Tale" ...

    "In Greek mythology, the Titan Prometheus had a reputation as being something of a clever trickster and he famously gave the human race the gift of fire and the skill of metalwork, an action for which he was punished by Zeus, who ensured everyday that an eagle ate the liver of the Titan as he was helplessly chained to a rock."

    {borrowed from Wikipedia}
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  13. #13

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    Quote Originally Posted by Pierceduk View Post
    A UK man had his right testicle ripped off by a seagull while he was sunbathing nude. Apparently experts think the seagull mistook the man's testicles as birds eggs in a nest.

    http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/seagull-testicle/

    A rogue seagull ripped off a man’s right testicle as he sunbathed naked in his back garden, it has emerged.
    Experts say the fearsome bird mistook the man’s exposed privates as a couple of birds eggs and dropped in for a tasty snack.
    As the man – who has not been named – dozed on his patio in his detached home near Ipswich, the seagull swooped from the sky, and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle.
    He woke screaming in agony, and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak.
    His wife called an ambulance, and staff at Ipswich Hospital’s accident and emergency department had to patch him up, and give him a course of antibiotics to prevent infection.
    A hospital source said: “Nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks.
    “The injury is not life threatening, and tests have confirmed that his remaining testicle is still in working order, so he will be able to have children.”
    A spokesman for research group Seagull Watch International confirmed that seagulls often feed on the eggs of small birds.
    “Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.
    “It was no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent.
    “This is the first time we have heard of such an attack in the UK, and it is probably a one-off event, but just in case this particular seagull has now got a taste for ‘men’s eggs’, we would recommend putting some shorts on while sunbathing at home.”
    Ipswich Hospital refused to name the seagull victim, or even pass on an interview request from the Suffolk Gazette.


    Suffolk Gazette | Spoof news

  14. #14

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    There s a simple test for this very questionable story. All the men who want to be castrated that live near a gull population strip down and lay out in the sun in the nude with their man eggs fully exposed n low hanging in the summer heat and vulnerable to hungry gulls. Then let s see if one nut is bit off by a gull. I ve fed old pizzas to gulls at the ocean n just crusts n thick cheese take some work for gulls to tear apart n gulp down. A man s sack and balls are way tougher than day old pizzas lol.

    For the men who want castration there d be no return and re attaching any balls snatched n carried off by gulls. Insurance would even cover it all as an accident or animal attack damage. Hungry schools of Pirrahnas starving in a gold fish bowl would out bite gulls any day lol.

    Take a look at the cable tv series named River Monsters, a worldwide fishing expedition show and look for the ball cutters episode. A one hour program of documenting and then trying to catch fish now castrating men in New Guinia rivers. One of the animals really out there cutting men s balls off frequently and capable of doing it easily and lightning fast.

  15. #15

    Re: Now seagulls are getting in on the act

    This gives a new twist to the wonderful Max Beerbohm story "A.V. Laider," as funny a story as I've ever read, about a compulsive fabulist. Mention a topic to him and he instantly invents a gruesome story on the subject that he presents as an experience he's had. The end of the story goes like this:

    And after a while I happened to say that I had seen this afternoon a great number of sea-gulls flying close to the shore.

    “Sea-gulls?” said Laider, turning in his chair.

    “Yes. And I don’t think I had ever realised how extraordinarily beautiful they are when their wings catch the light.”

    “Beautiful?” Laider threw a quick glance at me and away from me. “You think them beautiful?”

    “Surely.”

    “Well, perhaps they are, yes; I suppose they are. But—I don’t like seeing them. They always remind me of something—rather an awful thing—that once happened to me.” . . .

    It was a very awful thing indeed.
    Last edited by zmac1776; 08-19-2017 at 07:50 PM. Reason: typo

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