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Thread: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

  1. #1

    I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    So I'm lying in ER right now waiting for an on call urologist. Every now and then I do something really stupid and did it again. My wife is out of town and that is always when I'm most vulnerable to my urges to self harm my genitals.

    Anyway, I took a glass bottle and heated it in boiling water then put my flaccid penis at the opening and put the bottle on ice. By doing so it created a powerful suction that sucked my penis in and the thick glass neck of the bottle acted as a cock ring and the suction acted as a penis pump basically engorging my penis and trapping it. I immediately knew I was in trouble so I tried to drill the bottom bottom of the glass to break the suction but the bottle shattered and created so many glass shards that were super sharp that it immediately cut my penis as well as my hand. My penis started bleeding profusely and I stopped it with tourniquett of cord. I knew I.needed help so I wrapped the glass carefully with a towel and drove myself to the hospital. Of course it was embarrassing as nurse after nurse wanted to see how bad it was. Then the ER doctor and two nurses tried to pull it off which I knew wouldn't work, and was worried because there were still glass shards covering my penis. Now they've prepped me fit surgery and put in iv while waiting for a urologist...

    I'll post a picture in a sec.

  2. #2

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)


  3. #3

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    "Healthy Energy Drink"... oh the irony

    Get well soon!

  4. #4

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    Okay, I'm finished at the hospital. They were able to free me. The urologist was surprisingly at a bit of a loss. They didn't have any tools capable of cutting the glass. So I had to direct them. I had them get tools from their maintenance department, and using a drill they essentially scored the glass neck of the bottle. They we got a piece of metal to put behind as a brace and they used a hammer ane hole punch and shattered the glass. It came apart in three hits, broken neatly at the scored parts.

    They had to work for a while to clean up the broken glass carefully, and they attended to my cuts with antiseptic wash (no stitches needed) and a tetanus shot.

    The urologist and I joked back and forth.

    One thing was there was no doubt that the nurses all wanted to peek at it. Several came into the area without any reason. I also heard them talking about it -- not really joking but hushed "did you see it" sort of stuff. I didn't really mind. Even when professional, when you see that "holy shit" sort of thing you will talk about it and be interested in it.

    I'll post a pic of the broken bottle afterwards tomorrow -- too tired and time to go to bet -- overall I was at the ER for five hours.

    Hopefully it will be a couple years until I do something stupid again, but its only been about eight months since the last dumb thing I did (injected phenol in my penis). Oh well...

  5. #5
    Archive Regular ambiguous's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    It takes some bottle (sic) to own up to misjudgments like this.
    Hope you are okay now
    It is through the sharing of knowledge that the human race has got to where it is now.
    On the lighter side
    I did hear a story of some guy who got a "Buzz Lightyear" toy stuck up his arse. The phrase "To infinity and beyond" comes to mind here.

  6. #6

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    SD: Glad to hear it came out okay (pun intended). I told Tim. He could relate.

    Sandi

  7. #7
    Nullo Since June 23, 2015 Losethem's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    And what did you learn from this experience? Next time use a plastic bottle.

    I'm glad you're o.k.
    Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

  8. #8

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    Quote Originally Posted by Losethem View Post
    And what did you learn from this experience? Next time use a plastic bottle.

    I'm glad you're o.k.
    Thanks. Unfortunately I already know that but at the time I'm doing it I'm excited at the prospect of the predicament, so actually seek out something that might be a problem.

  9. #9

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    Here's a picture of the bottle on the hospital tray afterwards: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4i...ew?usp=sharing

    Ironic thing(already mentioned above) is the bottle is from a drink I like that is supposed to be good for my health! (Apple cider vinegar for controlling blood sugar.)

  10. #10

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    So I got some other interesting facts from the urologist and hospital staff. Both the nurses and urologist said they amputate about three penises a year due to guys getting stuck in cock rings. Apparently most guys wait too long to get to hospital, and the nurses said they've seen penises that are completely black by the time the person comes in.

    The urologist also told a story where he had an 11-year old boy with a serious zipper injury (where foreskin gets caught in zipper) and both the boy's mother and a friend's mother (that must have been interesting for the boy) tried to get it out and couldn't, the nurses and ER doc tried to get it out and couldn't and when the urologist arrived they'd cut all the pants off except for the zipper so the poor boy was lying there naked except with a patch of denim and zipper. Anyway, he couldn't get it open either so he phoned his wife and she said "oh you can open a zipper easily by just snapping open the other end" which he did and freed the penis immediately. Goes to show that there are different types of education out there.

    Lastly, a nurse told me that just a couple weeks ago a man came in with a completely severed penis. His story was that he was trying to grind a wart off his penis with a bench grinder...

    Anyway, a big city hospital sees a lot of weird stuff. Also good to know that when you're there that they've seen worse.

  11. #11
    Kimmel class of 2006 Hash's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    We've all been there and done similar things. https://www.spandidos-publications.com/mmr/8/1/201

    I went to the ER after cutting my penis years ago and after treatment was sent to a psych ward for a week. That was hard and harsh. That was my first and last time in a psych ward. I also remember a guy named "Abbreviated" from Malebodymods.com. He had one of those delusional days where he allowed himself to stick his penis in a bowl of dry ice, it turned completed white (there are pictures on Malebodymods), and then after it started to thaw it swelled to ghastly proportions. He went to the hospital where the doctors tried to save as much of his penis as they could. Apparently his penis had not frozen solid so they were able to save about half, hence the name abbreviated. I was considering doing the same thing for a long time, but never did. Check him out if you have access to malebodymods.com.

    One of the nurses that I met after she saw my nullo emptiness shortly after I removed my penis said, "You're about the 4th guy I've see this month like this, what is wrong with you men. I don't know why so many of you have to abuse yourselves like this. I've seen enough bloody penises to last a lifetime." That's all she'd say but it was eye opening.
    Last edited by Hash; 01-08-2017 at 10:15 PM.

  12. #12

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    Quote Originally Posted by SplitDik
    ....Both the nurses and urologist said they amputate about three penises a year due to guys getting stuck in cock rings.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Hash
    ....One of the nurses that I met after she saw my nullo emptiness shortly after I removed my penis said, "You're about the 4th guy I've see this month like this, what is wrong with you men.....
    Thanks for sharing that. I'll pass it on to my hubby. I hope it'll make him feel less paranoid about seeing doctors when he needs to if he knows the doctor has probably seen a guy with no penis before--or at least knows of one.

    Sandi

  13. #13

    Re: I'm in ER right now due to stupidity again (penis stick in bottle)

    So now that it's been a bit over a month, can we assume the healing has completed at this point? I know you stuff doesn't work the same, but it couldn't have been much fun to be in an injured state for very long.

    Max

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