Page 31 of 34 FirstFirst ... 21 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 LastLast
Results 451 to 465 of 499

Thread: vaporous entities and musings (in other words - BS)

  1. #451
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    Hell no!

    Not a chance in Hell.
    Not a effing chance in any of several hells...
    Defiantly NO!

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/amazon...d-car?ref=home

    Amazon will start delivering packages to parked cars starting Tuesday, according to The New York Times. The rollout of the new delivery method, available in 37 U.S. cities for those who have the proper technology in their vehicles, allows a courier to pop the trunk or open the back door with a “few taps on a smartphone screen.” A package would then be dropped off in the trunk or left on the back seat. The delivery method is only available for customers with 2015 or later models of Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, Cadillac or Volvo cars equipped with roadside-assistance technology, the Times reported. Amazon intends to expand the service to other car makers over time, and will only allow couriers to unlock the vehicle once during delivery. This comes as the company recently rolled out Amazon Key, which allows a package to be dropped off directly inside a home to avoid thieves.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  2. #452
    Fully Qualified Member Eunuchorn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May Tue 2008
    Posts
    190

    Re: Hell no!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    Not a chance in Hell.
    Not a effing chance in any of several hells...
    Defiantly NO!

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/amazon...d-car?ref=home

    Amazon will start delivering packages to parked cars starting Tuesday, according to The New York Times. The rollout of the new delivery method, available in 37 U.S. cities for those who have the proper technology in their vehicles, allows a courier to pop the trunk or open the back door with a “few taps on a smartphone screen.” A package would then be dropped off in the trunk or left on the back seat. The delivery method is only available for customers with 2015 or later models of Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, Cadillac or Volvo cars equipped with roadside-assistance technology, the Times reported. Amazon intends to expand the service to other car makers over time, and will only allow couriers to unlock the vehicle once during delivery. This comes as the company recently rolled out Amazon Key, which allows a package to be dropped off directly inside a home to avoid thieves.
    I can't think of an easier way for police to plant false evidence against you than to have amazoon do it.

  3. #453
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    Re: Hell no!

    Quote Originally Posted by Eunuchorn View Post
    I can't think of an easier way for police to plant false evidence against you than to have amazoon do it.
    I can't think of an easier way to be robbed by unscrupulous delivery men or some equally unscrupulous acquaintance of those delivery people. . .

    Unless you post a sign that says -- "doors unlocked, take what you want" -- in your front yard or on the dashboard of your car
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  4. #454
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    a single thought on a warm and sunny day

    I am reminded today of Lord Sebastian Flyte of Brideshead who carried Aloysius, a teddy bear, to class one day at college and there he met Charles Ryder. Thus begins a tale ...
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  5. #455
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    Verdi Requiem (29 APR '18) Pittsburgh Symphony

    The Pittsburgh Symphony played the Verdi Requiem with Manfred Honeck conducting, four soloists, and the Mendelssohn Choir today. I took a little time to talk about the music

    The Verdi Requiem is a somber, dramatic, and powerful composition. In the liturgy of the Catholic Church, it is a prayer asking for the repose of the souls of the dead, for mercy, forgiveness, and eternal life in the light of God.
    Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine
    Grant them eternal rest, O Lord

    Some History: Giuseppe Verdi composed operas. In 1869 on the death of Giacomo Rossini, Verdi was asked to contribute a section of the Requiem (The Libera Me - - trans: Deliver me, oh Lord - -) for Rossini’s requiem mass. Multiple composers didn’t agree on much. Years later in 1873 when Alessandro Manzoni, a poet and novelist, died, Verdi set about writing a Requiem Mass in honor of Manzoni. The Requiem was premiered a year later. It is operatic music rather than traditional Church music. In 1874 women were not allowed to sing in Churches and the Requiem calls for a full chorus and 4 soloists - soprano, alto, tenor, base. The Requiem received special permission for its premier in the Church of San Marco in Milan. Three days later, it was premiered at La Scala.
    The Music:
    The opening of the Requiem - Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis - (Eternal Rest Grant unto them, Oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them) - begins with the chorus intoning the words sotto voce and whisper soft, tremulous, almost too quiet to hear before the orchestra joins them.
    From this quiet, reverential, prayerful solemnity, the solo tenor’s voice rises like an angel from the orchestra to soar over the hall - Kyrie Eleison ...
    The Sequence (Dies Irae - Day of Wrath) for the Catholic Requiem Mass speaks of the Last Judgement when Jesus the Christ comes on Clouds of Glory to judge the living and the dead. Verdi unleashes the orchestra to create the apocalypse. The orchestra with two giant side drums and full chorus batters the air to invoke the “Day of Wrath” when all turns to ashes. Verdi assigns 4 trumpets to the back corners of the hall for when trumpets proclaim the end of the world , the audience hears the echoes of the orchestra brass from the four corners of the compass.
    The orchestra, chorus and soloists continue through the text of the Dies Irae. The vast orchestral engine revs again for the sections: Rex Tremendae, Mors Stupebit, Confutatis Maledictis, and invokes the opening Dies Irae before the final sections of the Lacrymosa, and Pie Jesu. The sequence ends as it began, with the full orchestra invoking the terror of the The Day of Wrath.
    There is much beautiful music in the following sections of the Mass - Offertorio, Sanctus, Angus Dei, and magnificent and beautiful Lux Aeterna - to the final prayer on the lips of those risen from the dead and standing judgement: Libera Me.

    Libera me, Domine, de morte aeterna in die illa tremenda;
    Deliver me, O Lord, from eternal death on that awful day,

    And with an invocation of the opening - Dies Irae, Dies Illa… - and a final prayer for deliverance (a repetition of the theme of the Libera Me), the Requiem ends in as softly as it began, with a chord fading into silence.

    This is 90 minutes in length and performed without a break.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  6. #456
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    ridiculous by game show

    From the sublime to the ridiculous:
    By chance, I turned on PRICE IS RIGHT for 3 minutes and they had a game that required the contestant frantically move grocery products between platforms. A squeeze bottle opened and white stuff drooled all over and down the pedestals/game thingie.
    It looked like mayonnaise or liquid toothpaste. Actually, it had the flow and texture of a money shot out of a sleazy porn film. But I doubt that can be found in any supermarket.
    A consolation prize is that it wasn't the new,new,new combined ketchup and mayo combo because that is revoltingly pink.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  7. #457
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    Tom Wolfe

    Tom Wolfe, the author, has died:
    I buried a half-filled jar of mayonnaise in my yard in remembrance.

    You have to read "Bonfire or the Vanities" to understand the joke.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  8. #458
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    hard jobs

    What's the hardest job in the world?

    a) Medical
    b) cabbie
    c) teacher
    d) factory
    e) blow
    f) Garbage man
    g) lumberjack
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  9. #459

    Re: hard jobs

    Having worked as a garbageman, in a steel mill, as a teacher, and as a lumberjack or logger, I'll say being a logger or working on the green chain in a saw mill were the hardest. I didn't know any old-time loggers who hadn't had serious injuries.

  10. #460

    Re: hard jobs

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    What's the hardest job in the world?

    a) Medical
    b) cabbie
    c) teacher
    d) factory
    e) blow
    f) Garbage man
    g) lumberjack
    An honest bookkeeper working for a crook.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____
    PENIS: Intact_______ERECT LENGTH: 4 Inches_______MODS: Circumcised_____________STATUS: Impotent
    SCROTUM: Intact____SIZE: Compact - Little Hang_____CASTRATION: Bilateral Inguinal___CONTENTS: Silicone/Saline Implants
    SECONDARY: Shelf Hips/Love Handles -- B-cup Breasts/Prominent Nipples -- Body Hair 90% Absent__________LIBIDO: A Distant Memory

  11. #461
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    horse racing

    Justified, winner of the Kentucky Derby, won the Preakness
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  12. #462
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    starbucks

    According to THE ONION -- Starbucks is now begging people to use its washrooms to masturbate and do drugs.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  13. #463
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    Moon over Miasma

    Consider this testimony from THE PEOPLE'S COURT:

    "It was my Mother who mooned the neighbor. I didn't"
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  14. #464
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    cellphone telemarketers

    Over six months ago, a telemarketer was so persistent on my cellphone that I saved the phone number and ave it the name of "I'm an asshole, don't answer me" ...
    And in a day or two, I forgot about it.
    Now today, over 6 months later, my cellphone lights up with the caller ID -- "I'm an asshole don't answer me"

    Gee, it worked. I didn't answer it.
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

  15. #465
    I really do look like my avatar Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan Wed 2001
    Posts
    5,051
    Blog Entries
    23

    interesting news you will never use

    SATURDAY’S FACTOID:
    “Experimental results from the XENON1T dark matter detector limit the effective size of dark matter particles to one-trillionth of one-trillionth of a centimeter squared -- the most stringent limit yet determined for dark matter as established by the world's most sensitive detector.”
    “They also call it the Winged Isle. Some say it is because the island, if seen from above, would look like butterfly wings. And I do not know the truth of it.” Then, “ ‘And what is truth?’ said jesting Pilate.” From: The Truth Is A Cave In The Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 2 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 2 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. two words
    By Dave in forum Jokes, Links, Media & More
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-01-2010, 05:33 AM
  2. Words of Love
    By Jesus in forum Jokes, Links, Media & More
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-14-2007, 03:10 AM
  3. Famous Last Words
    By Nena in forum Jokes, Links, Media & More
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-05-2006, 01:07 AM
  4. Words of Wisdom
    By Studlover in forum Jokes, Links, Media & More
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-14-2004, 05:46 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •