View RSS Feed

paring

Why do I want to be castrated ? part 2

Rate this Entry
Still I didn't want a gay life, I couldn't accept it and I didn't return down town for few months. But the thought of this beautiful man and all the other ones that I have seen that night always came back to memory but I didn't want to be gay. This brought me to my second castration attempt to suppressed my libido, the same way that I did the first time with the same result. After this time, I had promesed my self to never try that again. Time can solve lot of problems. Few months later I finally gave up and returned to those gay bar with younger crowd. I must addmit that I had lot of fun and fucked a lot till AIDS broke out. That has scared the hell out of me. At the beginning of the 90's I've had unprotected sex, with at least 3 guys who died of AIDS few months after. I was lucky that I had never been infected with HIV. I wanted to quit the gay scene but couldn't because I loved it so much. I got internet in 1994 and my first search on the web was about castration. Then, I found BME, EA, and all the 50 Yahoo groups related to this topic. What a surprise ! I wasn't the only man in the world with such fantasy, that was a big relief. Not only that there were plenty of wannabees like me but so many other men, who had already made them self eunuchs. Still I couldn't do it my self and finding a cutter to do it, was very difficult, no one would give a hint to where to go. Nevertheless, I found some information to induce castration with chemicals and natural products. After a few months, in 1995, I started to take some "Saw Palmetto" a natural anti androgen that acts like finasteride and it can be bought off the shelves in most drug store. Within 4 to 6 weeks I had no more erection. That didn't stop me completely to have sex with men cause I needed love and affection. So rather than having sex as Top with 10 guys a week I turned completely bottom and I had sex about once a month but I've never allowed any one to fuck me without condoms. Finally I moved out of town and led a peaceful life completely out of the gay scene and I never returned to live in Montreal since.

Chemical castration was awesome, no testosterone, no libido, no erection everything is cool. Of course castration has its downside, Side effects will kick in slowly. I was no longer in top shape, tired, obesity, lack of interest but that was bearable but when I passed from office job to field work, all this got worse. Without testosterone a man can't work as hard. From 2000 till 2003 I've suffered of severe arthritis pain, lack of consentration, memory lost (like Alzeimer), depression and so on. the meds didn't work well and the symptomes just kept going from bad to worse. I should have quitted anti androgens at that time but I was too stubborn, I didn't want my libido to return, I was too happy being sexless, I mean not to be driven by my male hormones. At the end, I've finally gave up for my own health. Libido din't come back right away because my T level wouldn't go up enough to make me feel good, three months later I started with TRT and I felt better again. I've slowly recoverd my sexual functions but my libido has remained low. I can't complain about it. Throughout all those years I've never lost contact with Eunuch Archive and other related websites. Physical castration remains of great interest for me. I know all the castration effects and how this feels about. I've no regret for all those years on chem castration they were great experience for me but the reason why I started to fantasize about castration wasn't to suppress my libido but to get rid of my ugly scrotum. My main problem here is a Body Integrity Disorder due to my butchered circumcision. So I still look at the castrated men photos and I envy them, especially when the scrotum is removed. One of those days, I'll get them removed and I'll probably let my testosterone level go to castration level to see how it goes because I've liked it before, but at the first sign of castration side effects I will use TRT.

To follow...
Tags: None Add / Edit Tags
Categories
Uncategorized

Comments